Hallelujah

Today was a day full of mixed feelings. The joy of completing another Kathleen World Tour bounce and receiving an email from her moments afterwards, overwhelmed me with emotions.

With heavy heart, I share with you some distressing news. When Kathleen unwrapped the bandages from last Thursday’s minor surgery, she discovered that ¾ of her breast had been removed. She was not prepared for, nor expecting this. It appears that most the tissue was dead or compromised so the doctor had to make the best decision for her health and remove most of the breast.

As I am travelling, I received the news only this morning when I checked my emails at an internet café after bouncing at the Dom Cathedral in Cologne, Germany. She wrote that she was in shock and was more upset than after the initial mastectomy. She didn’t know how to place her disappointment or emotions. She reached out to me and my sister Felicity to help her reconcile and find encouragement through this very difficult time.

I was crushed with the news. I couldn’t quite fathom it myself. I began crying for no reason and for every reason. I felt her disappointment and anguish. I didn’t know what to do, how to make sense of it, or even what to say to her. Yet, I knew that I must share something – a glimmer of hope or reassurance that all is well. But before finding that new meaning to share with her, I needed to wholly believe it myself.

I was so frustrated and my mind was searching far and wide. I mean, how can one find anything empowering in losing ¾ of the breast that was just recently reconstructed???? How fucking absurd does this sound? I was lost as to how I can best serve Kathleen in her moment of need. So I went deep within my heart and asked “What is it that I need to share with her that will now help her?”

Then it came to me. I thought of what I said to the video camera during the bounce at the Dom Cathedral that morning. Christoph was filming me and asked me a series of questions. His final question was “What is your final thought, your shout-out to Kathleen for today?”
I replied, “Hallelujah”.

As I sat there in the internet café, I thought to myself how this is not a word that I often speak in my daily life – yet it passed effortlessly through my lips as if I came through me, not from me. At that moment, I knew this is what I had to share with her and prayed that this could help her see the light…

Hallelujah for your life and that you are with us. Hallelujah that the doctor made the best decision he could at the time and took out the tissue that was not good for you to aid in the healing. Hallelujah to the fact that timing is everything and that once you have been healed and have had chemotherapy, there will be another chance to look at reconstruction of your breast. Hallelujah that your mother with you daily to help you through this difficult time. Hallelujah that a breast is not a vital organ like a heart and your heart is beating beautifully. Hallelujah for your wonderful girls that love to share each and every day with you. Hallelujah to the fact that you have a man that loves you and sees beyond your physical beauty into your inner spiritual beauty. Hallelujah that you are my sister and i am so very proud of you for your honesty, heart, courage and sensitivities. Hallelujah for all the incredible goodness and value that you bring to the world and for the tremendous difference you make not just to my life – but to every person you touch. Hallelujah for all the love and support you have from family, friends and [world] community. Hallelujah that God is in your life to carry you in this moment.

For the remainder of the day, I continued to reflect on the wide range of emotions and experiences I had. It was a very profound morning - I experienced synchronicity. The more I became coherent with myself, everything became so effortless. As I tuned into my heart in what the moment called for, I had a sense of knowing what I was to do.

Before going to the internet cafe to check my emails, I entered the cathedral to light a candle and pray for Kathleen. Little did I know then what news from Kathleen I was about to receive. Later in the day when I spoke to her, she was just in the middle of responding to my email. She said that what I wrote her helped her tremendously. She felt as if she had been in a dark manhole, yet now she sees the light above and is climbing towards it.

Hallelujah